IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING.
John Roebling was the engineer with the idea of bridging the river and tying Manhattan Island with Brooklyn. It was a fabulous idea, but all the bridge-building experts and structural engineers said it was impossible. Some agreed that the river might be spanned, but that a 1,595 foot span would never stand up against the winds and the tides. But John Roebling and his son, Washington, figured out how the problems could be solved and how the obstacles would be overcome. Roebling came up with, “an equilibrium strength approach, in which equilibrium is always satisfied but compatibility of deformations is not enforced.” This was essentially an approximation method similar to the force method. First, Roebling found the dead and live loads. Roebling then divided the load between the cables and the stays. Roebling added a large safety factor to the divided loads and then solved for the forces. This approach gave a sufficiently accurate analysis of the structure given the assumption that the structure was ductile enough to handle such deformation (Buonopane, 2006).
“Throw in the towel.
It’s no use.
It’s never going to happen.
Go ahead and quit.”
Impossible is nothing!
One day in 1869 John Roebling was standing at the edge of a dock, working on fixing the location where the bridge would be built, when his foot was crushed by an arriving ferry. His injured toes were amputated. He refused further medical treatment and wanted to cure his foot by “water therapy”. While in the hospital, John Roebling demanded constant updates on the progress of his greatest work and continued to help solve onsite problems. But his condition deteriorated until it was clear he had tetanus, and 24 days after the accident he was dead. In the same accident, Washington Roebling suffered the bends underneath the water. The son survived, but was left with permanent brain damage, so that he never walked or talked again.
Impossible is nothing!
Everybody said to forget the project. But not Washington. He developed a code of communication by touching one finger to the arm of his wife Emily Warren Roebling. And he communicated the dream through her to the engineers on the project. For thirteen years, Washington Roebling supervised construction that way. And finally in 1883 traffic streamed across the completed Brooklyn Bridge in New York.. When Washington Roebling was told the news, he wept for joy. The impossible dream became a reality!
Impossible is nothing!
Beware of crude, complaining voices of cynicism and scepticism that whisper to you:
Rather, plant your feet firmly on the high, hard, and holy road of faith. No matter how impossible the project may appear, keep on believing in your “second wind.” Tell yourself that breakthrough is going to happen! Wait for it, work for it, and be ready to receive the reward when it comes!
Simply because Impossible is nothing!
Copyright © Henry Akingbemisilu, All Rights Reserved.
PLEASE DON’T HOLD BACK ANY OF THE BROKEN PIECES
But the pot He was shaping from the clay was marred in His hands; so the Potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to Him. – Jeremiah 18:4
I have toured royal palaces around the world with special emphasis to the Arab hemisphere, but to my knowledge the Royal Palace in Tehran, Iran, is like no other that I’ve ever seen.
The grand entrance of the palace is resplendent with glittering, sparkling glass. For a moment you think that the domed ceilings, side walls, and columns are all covered with diamonds… until you realize that these are not diamonds or even cut glass; they are small pieces of mirror. The edges of a myriad of little mirrors reflect the light, throwing off the colours of the rainbow. It’s spectacular!
And you’ll never believe how this was created. When the Royal Palace was planned, the architects sent an order to Paris for mirrors to cover the entrance walls. The mirrors finally arrived. But when they took the shipping crates apart, they discovered to their dismay that all of the mirrors had been smashed during transit. The builders were going to thrash the broken mirrors but one of the men spoke up and suggested, “Maybe the wall will be more beautiful because the mirrors are broken.” And that man took all the small pieces of the mirrors and fit them together like an abstract mosaic.
Today the enormous distortion in reflections and how the walls sparkle with diamond-like brilliance at the Royal Palace in Tehran, Iran is a beautifully finished work of Art.
Have you been hurt? Are you still hurting? Do you feel broken? Do you feel worthless? I know a Master Designer that can fix you if only you give Him all the broken pieces. He will transform your broken life, but you must surrender all the broken pieces unto Him. He will transform your shattered hopes and dreams and fit the pieces of your life together in a way that is brilliant and beautiful. God can take the broken pieces of your life and make something beautiful of them.
Copyright © Henry Akingbemisilu, All Rights Reserved.
10 MISTAKES GUYS MAKE WITH GIRLS
MISTAKE #1: Being Too Much Of A “Nice Guy”
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted to “nice” guys? Of course you have.
Just like me, I’m sure you’ve had attractive female friends that always seemed to date “jerks”… but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.
What’s going on here?
It’s actually very simple…
Women don’t base their choices of men on how “nice” a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Being nice doesn’t make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.
And being NICE doesn’t make a woman CHOOSE you.
I realize that this doesn’t make a lot of logical sense, and it’s hard to ACCEPT… but GET OVER IT.
Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you’ll NEVER have the success with women that you want.
MISTAKE #2: Trying To “Convince Her To Like You”
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like… but she’s just not interested?
Right! They try to “convince” the woman to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you… YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, EVER.
You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.
Think about it.
If a woman doesn’t “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being “reasonable” with her?
But we all do it.
When a woman just isn’t interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.
Bad idea. One that will never work.
MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission.
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman’s “approval” or “permission”.
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them… EVER…..Don’t get me wrong here.You don’t have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.
But if you think that treating a woman well means “always getting her approval and permission for things”, think again.
You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.
Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her…
MISTAKE #4: Trying To Buy Her Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn’t treat her even HALF as well as you did?
If you’re like me, then you’ve had it happen a LOT.
Well guess what?
It’s only NATURAL when this happens…
That’s right, I said NATURAL.
When you do these things, you send a clear message:
“I don’t think you’ll like me for who I am, so I’m going to try to buy your attention and affection”.
Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That’s right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.
MISTAKE #5: Sharing how You Feel Too Early In the Relationship With Her.
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they “feel” too early on.
Attractive women are rare.
And they get a LOT of attention from men.
Most men don’t realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME.
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translates into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what?
Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.
That’s right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying “You know, I really, REALLY like you” after one or two dates.
This signals to the woman that you’re just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast… and can’t control themselves.
Don’t do it. Lean back. Relax.
There’s a much better way…
MISTAKE #6: Not Getting How Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.
But does the same apply for women?
Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?
Think about it.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men… and they’re attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.
If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
But it’s not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how…
MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It takes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they’ve even gotten started… because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money… or guys who are a certain height… or guys who are a certain age.
And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man’s personality than his wallet or his looks.
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet…
And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to “settle” for a woman just because you aren’t rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly,you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
MISTAKE #8: Giving Away all Of Your Power To Women
Earlier I mentioned that it’s a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.
Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.
Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.
Another bad idea…
Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over… Women aren’t attracted to Wussies!
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing EXACTLY What To Do In Each Type Of Situation With Women
Now I’m going to blow your mind…
A woman ALWAYS knows what you’re thinking.
Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That’s ten TIMES.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you’re out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.
And if you don’t know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won’t help!
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating…
Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical… everything.
If you don’t know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up… and LOSE EVERYTHING.
And you KNOW it.
It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman… from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.
I know, guys don’t like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don’t like to ask for help.
Hey, I’ve been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women…
About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn’t know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to.
It frustrated the hell out of me.
One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn’t get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night… right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out.
I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I’ve dated models, I’ve dated actresses, and I’ve dated nice, normal, regular girls as well.
It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling… like I don’t know how to meet women… and I might wind up alone.
I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women.
I’ve done seminars on both coasts of the United States… and taught tens of thousands of men all around the world.
Posted by Beautiful Nonsense
RE-BIRTH
It isn’t that we dare because things are difficult; 
It is that we don’t dare that they are difficult.”
I lost a childhood toy … but have the memory of the person who gave me that gift with unconditional love.
I lost the privileges and fantasies of childhood … but had the opportunity of growing and living free.
I lost a lot of people whom I loved and still love … but had the affection and now have model from their lives.
I lost moments of life because I cried instead of smiling … but I discovered that: it is from planting love that love is harvested.
I lost many things many times in my life. But in that “loss,” today I aspire for the value of “gain;”
… because it is always possible to fight for that which we love; and because there is always time to start all over again.
It is not important the time of life when you are tired. Important is that it is always possible and necessary to restart. Re-birthing is a new opportunity; it is renewing the hopes in life; and more importantly, it is believing in oneself.
Did you suffer greatly sometime?
… that was a time for learning.
Did you cry a lot?
… you were cleansing the soul.
Did you feel spiteful?
… it was a lesson on forgiveness.
At times, were you alone?
… it was because you closed the door.
Were there times you believed everything was lost?
… it was simply the beginning of your improvement.
Did you feel lonely? Look around you and you will see people waiting for your smile, just to get closer to you.
Re-birth:
Today is an excellent day to start a new life project. Where do you want to go? Look higher, dream higher, desire the best; life brings us what we aspire.
If we think small; the small will come. If we think firmly on the best, on the positive and we strive for it; the best will come in our lives.
Today is the great mental cleaning day. Throw away all that binds you to the past; all that hurts you. Discard everything into garbage; clean your heart; prepare it for a new life, and for new love; for we are passionate. We are capable of loving many times, because we are the manifestation of love.
Life calls you; it invites you to a new adventure, a new journey, a new challenge.
This day, promise yourself: that you will do anything possible to achieve your objectives; trust in God, trust in life, trust in yourself. If you received this message, thank God for having someone who thinks of you AND THAT IS MEBB TEAM
Not all of us have that privilege.
ASSOCIATION FOR ASSURED FUTURE (AFAF)
Visit www.afafng.org.
Things My Mother Never Taught Me by Bamsen Daze
I will never forget the day she left. I was about five years old. My two brothers and I were outside playing with the other kids on the Estate. She came downstairs, she looked like she had been crying and simply said, “I have to go, your dad has asked me to leave, but I will see you again soon”. Not really understanding what she meant I replied said, “Ok” and went back to playing. The days and months went by but she never returned. The years and seasons changed still she never returned.
You see prior to this, my dad had been away for almost a year undergoing surgery abroad, so I quickly assumed it was the norm for parents to be absent all the time. Shortly after, my dad was posted to work in London. He packed our bags and got us ready to leave. We said good bye to everyone but it seemed weird not to say good bye to our mum. We asked him where she was, and if she was going to come, he said she would join us once we got there. It never really hit me until we got to London that she might never come back. I remember always bugging our dad about her. Where is she? I asked. What is she doing? When is she going to come home? He tried his best to give us answers but the answers were always the same, “She’s in Nigeria, she’s getting some work done and she will be here soon”. After a while he would get upset when we’d ask about her and slowly, we put an end to the inquisitions. But every time the phone rang we would secretly hope it was her. Every time we heard the door bell ring, we wished it was her.
My dad tried his best to take on the role of both parents. He did the basics, the cooking, the cleaning, the discipline, the shopping and everything else that came with it. He tried his best spending quality time with us, but he was never really good at that. We were free with our dad but somewhere deep down we knew there were many questions we couldn’t ask. His work schedule also meant we didn’t really get to see him often.
When we moved back to Nigeria we were sent to a boarding primary school in Kaduna. My brothers were all I had, we had become very close. Our dad tried to come as often as he could from Abuja but the visits were never frequent. We grew to not expect anyone on visiting days. After almost five years of not seeing our mum we became disenchanted and somewhere along the line, we stopped caring. Once in a while one of my brothers would say “I wonder where she is and what she is doing”, but it never really led to much conversation. At this point I had lost hope of ever seeing her again. I became angry, cold and numb. I felt no emotion towards her, and pretty soon toward anything else.
Time passed and we moved to Gabon. After a couple of years my twin brother and I went off to High School in America. My father remarried and had three more children. My step mum was great and tried to fill in the maternal void in our lives but it was never the same; and after she had children of her own nothing was the same.
In 2003 I turned eighteen years old. I had just graduated High School and had moved back to Nigeria. I remember sitting in my uncle’s house and my aunt announcing to me “Your mum is here”. I never really knew what to expect or how to react. I just stood there looking at her, I always imagined I would feel a flood of emotion but I never did. I felt nothing.
She later told me that after they got divorced my father did everything he could to keep her away. And when we were in London, Gabon and America she would write letters through my dad’s office but he would keep them from us. Knowing my dad all this could be true, but it still doesn’t change the way I feel.
Their divorce will always be inconsequential to me. All I know is that I will never know who I would have been if my parents had stayed together, or if my mother was in my life. I have never really been able to love anyone truly. The only true love of my life has been my dad and my brothers. My mother’s absence has affected everything about me. My insecurities, my fears, and my ability to trust anyone. I feel like I am incapable of having a normal relationship because my ‘issues’ won’t let me love or trust anyone. I am afraid to let myself love anyone for fear that they won’t love me back or worst still, they do love me but will one day leave me.
It’s been almost six years since the reunion; we are still working on rebuilding our relationship. I don’t hate her, but I can’t say that I love her either. I am still numb. It will take sometime for me to be able to fully accept her back in my life. I am trying and I pray each day that God will soften my heart and allow me to be able to love her again. I never got the chance to have my mother buy me my first training bra, or tell me what to do during my first menstrual cycle or maybe take me to the salon to braid my hair. There are so many things I wish my mother was around to teach me but the greatest one of all is being able to love. I am still trying to let is all go but sometimes, it doesn’t feel so easy.
By:Bamsen Daze From: www.bellanaija.com
BALANCE OF POWER…one leggged golfer
This article is to let you know that no matter the condition you find yourself “NEVER GIVE UP’
Golf can be a cruel game at the best of times – So we at MEBB doff our caps to Manuel De los Santos who. despite having only one leg,consistentyly outperforms his biped opponents.
The 25-year old was a promising baseball player in his native Dominican Republic until a car accident resulted in him losing his left leg below the knee.Aged only 18 at the time,he was undaunted and moved to france with his wife Elena in 2004.It was there that he saw the film “The Legend of Bagger Vance”,in which Matt Damon overcomes adversity through golf,and was “inspired”.He turned his attentions to the game,eventually achieving a handicap of three.
Blind men have played golf before (are you suprised?),and De los Santos is not the first amputee to hit the links,but he is the first to do so at such high level without a prosthetic limb.He travels the course on crutches,but hands them over to a cady for his shots.
” I’m an athlete,” he says.” I walk” — (Real determination)
So what’s the source of this man’s superhuman balance? Physical conditioning,pure and simple.His leg was already strong from his baseball days,and moving on his crutches all day(often with a golf bag) has left him with upper-body strenght far beyond most golfers.As if that wasn’t enough,he does 100 crunches every morning to up his core strenght to levels where his body can take the physical strains he puts it through.
We at MEBB have been motivated by this article and we like to encourage our readers/fans . NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF
Source: ShortList Magazine…Pick One ,Read one
AML AMEEN..Actor/Writer
MEBB introduces AML AMEEN..An Inspiring Role Model to a lot of Young Black kids all around the UK.In 2008 he was mentioned in the PowerList Magazine among Britain’s 100 Most Influential Black People.
Aml Ameen (pronounced Am-el) was born the 30th July 1985 in London, England.
Growing up as a child Aml Ameen loved to perform. He began his career at the age of 7 when he attended the Barbara Speake Stage School in West London where he showed a passion and, more importantly, a talent for dancing singing and acting, Although he had the love for all three mediums, it was to be the latter that would secure him his first TV role in 123 Hullbaloo with Floella Benjimin.
With his acting career taking off, the young Aml took a particular interest in old movies like It’s A Wonderful Life and Fred Astaire movies, but it was watching the children’s classic Home Alone that truly birthed and cemented his dreams of becoming a successful actor.
Whilst still at school he spent many years honing his performance skills, including tap dancing, singing and acting techniques. His first theatre job was playing the young Sammy Davis Jnr (age 11) in the West End production of Jolson, starring Brian Connelly. He went on to a leading role in the West End musical Oliver and had many other stage performances including touring with his own choreographed dance, inspired by the 1930’s tap duo Nicholas Brothers, and performing with Michael Jackson at the 1996 Brit Awards with Jarvis Cocker.
Upon leaving school Aml’s focus completely shifted to acting and he gained a small role in ITV drama The Bill as a racially bullied teenager, returning a year later to play a villain. He also played roles in BBC’s Eastenders and Holby City and appeared in several short films.
But it would be the role of Trife in the low-budget feature film called Kidulthood that changed the course of his career.
Auditioning against hundreds of actors and non-actors, Aml won the role of Trife, the film’s leading man. His highly acclaimed performance and the film’s raved reviews saw Aml receive a nomination for Best Newcomer at the 2006 Screen Nation Awards and earned him a spot in The Times newspaper list for best new actors of the year.
Kidulthood was released in cinemas March 2006, at the very same time Aml’s new found and ever-growing fanbase would be able to see him every week on ITV when he returned to The Bill for the third time as young rouge police officer Lewis Hardy, determined to change the community and fight for the underdog. Charming, street wise and hopeful, the character Lewis Hardy captured the hearts of the nation. Never one to play it safe, Aml left The Bill in July 2007 in one of the greatest exit stories The Bill has done in recent times, leaving the show a living hero. This performance won Aml Best Actor at the 2007 Screen Nation Awards
He has several new projects being released including: Disconnected (BBC), Fallout (Channel 4) and Gunrush (ITV).
With an Arabic first name meaning Hope, Aml Ameen has proved that he has what it takes to go all the way. This young actor has a very bright future ahead of him in the world of entertainment.
Source: www.amlameen.com
Ideas plus inspiration by Manifest Nolimit
Ideas PLUS Inspiration…
The starting of a new business, the building of a new home, requires nothing but a unique IDEA and the INSPIRATION to back it. If I could remember Facebook was a private social networking site for students only… Just three years ago, Facebook mission was to create a social networking site to help students connect to each other . There was no loan involved, just a minor capital, good friends to work with and great inspiration. 3 years later Facebook became one of the most indispensable social networking site on the internet surpassing myspace, bebo and hi5. Worth over $750M. That is just incredible! That’s the whole point of personal development, wherever we are, whatever we do, we need some sort of personal development to keep us going with our dreams. Every book read has its own inspiration within. Every speech, seminar, shows send a signal to the future.
We honestly don’t need thousands to start a big company. Whatever Idea we’ve got, there is enough capital in the universe to establish it. We just need to understand WHY we want to do it. If our WHY is big enough, the connection will come, the finance, the friends, partners will come. Circumstances will definitely work in your favour. If We can‘t see when they are not here then it will never be there. That’s the truth. It is used to be “don’t count your eggs before they are hatched” but the truth is “we have the ability to count before they have been hatched” it is possible to see the end before they begin… good Inspiration, Imagination and Perspiration.
The truth is that many a talented person has gone unnoticed and they will never have a chance to be exposed to their talents because they just didn’t take the time to demonstrate, or work towards that direction of their purpose. When you want something out of life, you have got to be willing to go into action. Don’t wait around for things to be just right. Don’t wait for things to be perfect. Don’t wait for the ideal situation. It will never be perfect. It will never be ideal. There is always an obstacle…
A dog can’t be anything but a dog, a tree can’t be anything but a tree but we as human, we have got unlimited potentials to become ANYTHING. You can put efforts on your self, and by concentrating…you could achieve more than what you could ever imagine.
Do what you can, where you are, with what you have and never be satisfied with yourself. You are worth the time and effort invested in yourself. The future belongs to those that understand the present. “He who controls the past controls the future and He who controls the present controls the past”
More or Bore?
Subscribe to my coloumn for updates
Manifest Nolimit.
I bargained with Life for a penny but life would pay more
“I bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store.
For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.
I worked for a menial’s hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid.”
Author: Unknown
5 Mistakes Women Make by Ekene Agabu
We have heard it from our mothers, our aunts, our mentors, our sisters and a few female friends. But many of us are still left wondering what unbiased perspectives ‘they’ have.
‘They’. MEN.
Hear those wise words from one of them. I have been touched by this article and strongly believe it will strike (at least) a cord with many of you. It’s a long worthwhile read. Brace yourself for what I consider in numerous ways, THE RAW, PLAIN TRUTH from Ekene Agabu.
Cheers,
enkay
_______________________
Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as a man in sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.
Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.
But the first mistake was not yours. You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance – the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child – and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you were nothing.
Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be. Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie that you were nothing without a man. Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted as you sincerely tried to fulfill the so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.
As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.
That being said, I do not believe we are responsible for the things that are done or said to us, but I do know that we are responsible for allowing those things continue in us. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.
Your Personal Standards! Don’t leave home without them!
By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship. What is your life’s moral compass? This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain. Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might have a young lady who’s been around the block and has now become a Christian, and professes that she will be celibate until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard. Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning. But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard. A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle. A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses. She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him. She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place. In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!
Why are you making excuses for him…again?
I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you. You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok. A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess – drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you – we say it out LOUD! And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen. Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him? You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses. Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself. Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised. Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work, you still have a right to say NO.
Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’
A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head – not a hard one, just a gentle knock – to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life – 1,2,3,4 – to mean nothing (I’m having a headache just rehashing this story). So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years (Have you seen Barbara Walters lately? She’s 80). And here you are, willing to mortgage your future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing. That you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 28 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 32. No! I can’t be single at 30.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29. They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary. Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do. We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy who has already made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone you are not crazy about? Ok, so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that. Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter. Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing. You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?
You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!
Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse, you are potentially making a baby. You are filing an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived. And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth. Without conception, there will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.
I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?
I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 29, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is that pressure is not real. You are real and when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work cos I’m almost 30.” Screw him and screw 30. You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age. Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 30; in fact, it may just be beginning!
A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 21 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man’ troubles. During our conversation, I observed that she had always been in a sexual relationship since she was 15. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Sex interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your person and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 30th birthday.
Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you – You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself. You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.
There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity. We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?
Sited from [ www.bellanaija.com]
