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Is There Such Thing As A ‘Mid Youth Crisis’? by Nichole Jackson

Firstly I would like to reassure you that where you are now, many of us have been in that same spot before. Initially while growing up, I couldn’t wait for the day that I could be in control of my own life and free to live exactly as I pleased. Now that I’ve reached that stage in my life the words “With great power, comes great responsibility”, famously uttered by Ben Parker (Spiderman’s Uncle) at his untimely demise resound in my head.

When I finally became an adult, I consequently was granted the responsibility of steering my future in whatever direction I like and the pressure of that alone nearly crippled me at the tender age of twenty-one. Everywhere I looked someone was doing better than me, self made billionaires were getting younger and younger each year and when I reached the age twenty-one I felt like I hadn’t done anything with my life although it had only just begun. It might sound like eternal bliss but once presented with the option of making your own decisions, you’ll wish that your parents or someone else would take the reins again. I began to think that I was lazy compared to those go getters who sleep for fours every forty-eight hours. I mean those hardcore hustlers who grind throughout the night and continue into the day. I only ended up burning out by lighting both ends of the candle. Working a full-time job, part-time job and studying full time. If only I knew then what I know now, how to exercise some patience and know that my day will someday come.

I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t make the smoothest transition into adulthood so that’s why I’m writing this in hopes that I can pass on what I’ve learnt along the way. Just remember that life is about taking risks and if you make a mistake along the way, chalk it up as a lesson learnt. No one owes you anything in this life so it’s up to you to carve your mark in the tree of life. Opportunity doesn’t knock often so when it does make sure you have bags packed and are ready to roll. Always maintain a hunger for knowledge, be thirsty for success, full on love and you will go places. Remember you are not defined by how many people you are friends with but more on the nature of the people around you. Cease investing time in those that don’t aim in a similar direction to you. Keeping hanger on types around may be useful at times, but isn’t majorly beneficial. By focusing on your own dreams, you are bound to come across others like you who will be easier to keep ‘due’ to your common visions.

It’s natural for us to second-guess ourselves…but if we take stock, we’re already doing better than most in a similar situation. The aim is to beat the rest!

Think about it, how many of your pretty friends are still single? There is a misconception that pretty girls have it all. Sure prettiness could get you some things on a silver platter but it can deny you the most relevant things in life, e.g. a partner. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that all pretty girls are single. Some of them are pretty much taken; they are the exception. I call them, lucky.

When was the last time you dated? Take a closer look at this; you have been on dates but they are just not working out or you have not been on a date for so long you can hardly recall how long. You have not dated anyone in awhile is not equivalent to “no lad asked you out”. You have been getting tons and tons of propositions but they are just not right. Sure sometimes you have to give it a go, be open-minded and try your luck but you are now tired of settling for second best.

What is second best? For me, second best is when you decide to date someone just for the heck of it. Maybe your friends think your “pickie” or you just want a boyfriend and you decide to give it a go. These are not good enough reasons for me to date anyone. Sure, the guy fits an ideal man specification; he’s tall, cute, ambitious, and youthful, whatever fits your spec; yet he just not right. You feel nothing. You went on first date, you felt nothing. After three months of dating, you still feel nothing. I don’t beat about the bush. If I don’t feel a thing after few conversations, I will never feel “a thing”.

Sometimes, you don’t get the feeling at all, you don’t expect it yet it creeps up on you. So you like him now, you look for signs that he feels the same way. You find out that he likes you. Then you worry about what he likes about you and what he wants from you. Right, physical attraction comes first but you don’t want a man that is only physically attracted to you. You want to know if there are other things that he likes about you. You are tired of being a trophy or sexual toy? Or you never want to be a trophy? So you need to know. You ponder over it. You ask him straight up and realised he thinks you are fit and pretty. How do you feel?

Disappointed, thrown, torn and defeated. Yet again, another one refused to see beyond the beauty. To rub insult upon injury, some guys believe you have at least 4 boyfriends just because you are pretty. Some guys automatically think you are taken. You are attracting weirdoes. The guys you really like are not completely into you and you feel like you are the one always trying to mend or bridge your relationships. Something is always an obstacle between you and him. You got tired of it all and went back to your little cocoon, the single life.

Yet, the world won’t let you be. You get asked all the time why are you single and you have no proper answer. Then you realised, you been waiting for a lifetime and you are still waiting. Like a queue that is never ending, it still not your turn. Everywhere you turn, you see couples and you look away. You just don’t want to think about it. Your mother is pestering you about your lack of boyfriend and you just suppress all your emotions. Your extended family are constantly reminding you of marriage and babies. Your friends are always asked if there is a bloke in your life. Your friends think you need deliverance because you are too pretty to be single. So you ask yourself, what do I have? I’m pretty, educated, charming, friendly, etc. So, what do I lack? Why am I still single?

Why do some pretty girls have it tough in love stakes? It is because they refuse to settle for what they don’t want. Although, they took into consideration everything their mother says but they don’t let it influence them. Patience is a virtue. Good things come to girls who wait.

They say clouds gather and disperse in it
When they talk about how beautiful it looks, I wish I could see
I feel and I know
That when the sky sheds it’s skin, it falls as snow.

By :Modupe Bakare…

                    Good Catch Doesn’t Equal Financial Match

In the world we live in money makes the world go around and we can’t ignore the fact that it’s a common denominator in all of our lives. Before embarking into a new relationship, I like to evaluate the fiscal qualities of the person I’m linking up with. Think about it, you may be compatible in numerous areas but when it comes down to the weight of your wallets that’s where you may clash. Many a times I physically cringe when I see a nicely dressed (swagged out) riding the bus, knowing full well that he could invest in a car with five outfits out of his wardrobe. Get your priorities in order.

My advice, (and this applies to male and female readers) is to assess your significant others money management skills. Sometimes it’s not correct to judge someone by their financial status when you initially meet them but rather you should observe how they manage their income. In addition, monitoring their attitude towards money will give you a pretty good indication of whether it fits in line with you financially. I mean, if they can’t manage a little bit imagine how they would be if they had copious amounts of money. It’d be like a music video for B.M.F. Just throwing money away and making it rain.

Historically, having a joint account was the norm but in this economic climate we find this generation of couples opting to have separate accounts and split the household bills down the middle. To be honest I agree, I was told that what’s mine stays mine and what’s his is to be shared. For women, with the ushering in of equal rights, financial freedom and independence has been something we covet and are reluctant to relinquish. Men, however tend to cling to the tradition of the provider and had most of the financial responsibilities, reluctant to spend his woman’s money. With the gender pay gap in the UK and various countries across the globe this may make sense. However with this gap swiftly closing, the amount of women earning more money than men will rise. That’s when the issue of a man’s ego plays a big part in the relationship. How will he feel when he is earning less money than you? Will he feel like he no longer has the authority to make decisions on how money is spent?

 Undoubtedly, money will be the biggest issue you will face in your relationship, arguments will spring up over whether to buy Heinz or store brand baked beans to how much your girlfriend/wife spends on clothes. Personally, I believe in separate and joint assets when in a relationship but this also depends on the level of the relationship. It depends on whether you are co-habiting or married. I don’t think a couple has to worry about joint finances until they reach either of these stages. I may be wrong but my understanding is that people date and pursue relationships with the ultimate result intending to be co-habitation or marriage therefore it’s is imperative that you choose someone whose fiscal qualities match and mirrors yours. I don’t mess around with my money and I’m sure you don’t either, so why would you let someone else step in an make a mockery of the reward you received for busting your behind every day. So next time you see someone that you think might be a good catch, makes sure he/she is a financial match.

By: Nichole Jackson

I can’t say the wounds healed up
All I know is I kept on walking
If I left a bloody trail on my path I can not tell.
The invite in hands, I can not tear.

I close my eyes to hold back the tears
The tears of yesterday of forever
My flesh is willing but my soul is distressed How can I bear to watch my first love say I do.
In the back row, still I sat
Everyone smiling except me
My eyes glued to the wall clock
As the bride walked in, in her eyes are fears.

Those words were said once and thrice I heard,
“whoever is seated here with a reason that this ones should not be joined together should now speak or forever hold their peace”
I rose from my seat and out of the church I walked.
Who would have thought a day like this could come.
Twelve years ago when I met him, a virgin I was.
Three abortions, two miscarriages and a divorce ago. I thought I moved on.. Actually I did, I moved on to become a totally burnt bitterly beautiful single.

Holding my hands in my head
I knew in jail I will rot
I had to put a fight up for all I lost
The deadly blast went off in the church as I took one last glance at my past.

Disputing my feelings

Why we protect the truth and deceive ourselves

Why ignore God in our relationship

Why we cry for change but refuse to let go our odd ways

Why we follow-up our pains instead of searching for solutions

Why we sacrifice our happiness just for love

Why we say it is well when it isn’t

Why we become useless to our loved ones just to satisfy one man

Why why I ask myself

Why me lord

Why wasn’t I cautioned before it got this bad

Why do I pretend and blame myself for a JUST mistake

Why am I confused about my life

Why can’t I stand for the truth

Why can’t I challenge my weakness

Why do I care for someone that care less about my life

Why can’t I do the right thing and be proud of myself

Why should people use me for there pleasure and leave me desolate

Why does he think he can toil with my heart and walk away

WHY?

I mean although gifts aren’t exchanged; either because we are all broke from Christmas or the Boxing Day sales. I believe the New Year itself is the best gift (free, universal and unlike anything else). The future is spotless and untainted. It’s like hitting the reset button. Leaving behind all that was not so great in the previous year or building on something wonderful (whatever the case maybe)

We are extremely blessed to be stepping into 2011; so we must plan and prepare projects to take on, don’t like the word ‘resolution’. Resolutions are dumped by the end of the first month; but with projects there’s a sense of commitment to sticking to it and seeing it to completion and fruition.

The New Year makes me think of the person I want to be in 2011, the achievements, the new skills, the people I want to meet, places I want to see, relationships I want to mend or make, marathons I want to run, dishes I want to taste or cook myself, languages I want to speak fluently at the end of the year. Thinking of the endless possibilities (whether they manifest themselves or not) gets me buzzing.

The New Year indicates Hope. I am sure we all have important projects to see through this year, from final year in Med school, PHDs, new jobs, new businesses, finding yourself and your calling this year and I strongly believe you will see through all your plans.

I ask that we maintain an attitude of excellence, and persevere against all odds. I didn’t say the year was going to be easy; doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy the ride. I didn’t want to write a cliché text message (Sorry if you were planning to send me one, lol). I wanted to write a long note.

After all 2011 is the year; correction my year of doing things differently and trying things out.  If you’ve ever wanted to take a risk, climb Everest, go zorbing (in my case), dye your hair, grow a beard, whatever the hell you what to do, try it out this year.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results (ripped from Einstein). So change the dynamics of what you do up a little. If you want bigger and better results, you need bigger and better commitments.

I hope in 2011 you live your best year ever.

Wriiten by : Benny Blaize.

 When was the last time you dated? Take a closer look at this; you have been on dates but they are just not working out or you have not been on a date for so long you can hardly recall how long. You have not dated anyone in awhile is not equivalent to “no lad asked you out”. You have been getting tons and tons of propositions but they are just not right. Sure sometimes you have to give it a go, be open-minded and try your luck but you are now tired of settling for second best.

 What is second best? For me, second best is when you decide to date someone just for the heck of it. Maybe your friends think you are “pickie” or you just want a boyfriend and you decide to give it a go. These are not good enough reasons for me to date anyone. Sure, the guy fits an ideal man specification; he’s tall, cute, ambitious, and youthful, whatever fits your spec; yet he just not right. You feel nothing. You went on first date, you felt nothing. After three months of dating, you still feel nothing. I don’t beat about the bush. If I don’t feel a thing after few conversations, I will never feel “a thing”.

Sometimes, you don’t get the feeling at all, you don’t expect it yet it creeps up on you. So you like him now, you look for signs that he feels the same way. You find out that he likes you. Then you worry about what he likes about you and what he wants from you. Right, physical attraction comes first but you don’t want a man that is only physically attracted to you. You want to know if there are other things that he likes about you. You are tired of being a trophy or sexual toy? Or you never want to be a trophy? So you need to know. You ponder over it. You ask him straight up and realised he thinks you are fit and pretty. How do you feel?

 Disappointed, thrown, torn and defeated. Yet again, another one refused to see beyond the beauty. To rub insult upon injury, some guys believe you have at least 4 boyfriends just because you are pretty. Some guys automatically think you are taken. You are attracting weirdoes. The guys you really like are not completely into you and you feel like you are the one always trying to mend or bridge your relationships. Something is always an obstacle between you and him. You got tired of it all and went back to your little cocoon, the single life.

Yet, the world won’t let you be. You get asked all the time why are you single and you have no proper answer. Then you realised, you been waiting for a lifetime and you are still waiting. Like a queue that is never ending, it still not your turn. Everywhere you turn, you see couples and you look away. You just don’t want to think about it. Your mother is pestering you about your lack of boyfriend and you just suppress all your emotions. Your extended family are constantly reminding you of marriage and babies. Your friends are always asked if there is a bloke in your life. Your friends think you need deliverance because you are too pretty to be single. So you ask yourself, what do I have? I’m pretty, educated, charming, friendly, etc. So, what do I lack? Why am I still single?

 Why do some pretty girls have it tough in love stakes? It is because they refuse to settle for what they don’t want. Although, they took into consideration everything their mother says but they don’t let it influence them. Patience is a virtue. Good things come to girls who wait.

By:Miss Latifat

To realize The value of ten years Ask a newly Divorced couple.

To realize The value of four years Ask a graduate.

To realize The value of one year Ask a student who Has failed a final exam.

To realize The value of nine months Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize The value of one month Ask a mother Who has given birth to A premature baby…..

To realize The value of one week Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize The value of one minute Ask a person Who has missed the train, bus or plane..

To realize The value of one-second Ask a person Who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one..Treasure every moment you have.

 You will treasure it even more when You can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member LOSE ONE.

Remember…Hold on tight to the ones you love!! Peace, love and prosperity to all

BY:Abbey ‘GABZ’ Aji for GABZ Incoporate.