Video:Banky W-Lagos Party
Banky W has dropped another new video to acompany his latest single released Dec 14 last year.This Video describes a really “LAGOS PARTY“.
The video features a star-studded cast which includes the likes of P-Square, M.I, eLDee, Andre Blaze, Lami, Omawumi, Wizkid, Noble Igwe, Ebuka, Annette Begg, Kaffy, Kel, 2shotz, Matthew Mensah, and many others.
Director: Kemi Adetiba for Dragonfly Productions. Location: Lagoon Crest, Lagos, Nigeria.
PLEASE DON’T HOLD BACK ANY OF THE BROKEN PIECES
But the pot He was shaping from the clay was marred in His hands; so the Potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to Him. – Jeremiah 18:4
I have toured royal palaces around the world with special emphasis to the Arab hemisphere, but to my knowledge the Royal Palace in Tehran, Iran, is like no other that I’ve ever seen.
The grand entrance of the palace is resplendent with glittering, sparkling glass. For a moment you think that the domed ceilings, side walls, and columns are all covered with diamonds… until you realize that these are not diamonds or even cut glass; they are small pieces of mirror. The edges of a myriad of little mirrors reflect the light, throwing off the colours of the rainbow. It’s spectacular!
And you’ll never believe how this was created. When the Royal Palace was planned, the architects sent an order to Paris for mirrors to cover the entrance walls. The mirrors finally arrived. But when they took the shipping crates apart, they discovered to their dismay that all of the mirrors had been smashed during transit. The builders were going to thrash the broken mirrors but one of the men spoke up and suggested, “Maybe the wall will be more beautiful because the mirrors are broken.” And that man took all the small pieces of the mirrors and fit them together like an abstract mosaic.
Today the enormous distortion in reflections and how the walls sparkle with diamond-like brilliance at the Royal Palace in Tehran, Iran is a beautifully finished work of Art.
Have you been hurt? Are you still hurting? Do you feel broken? Do you feel worthless? I know a Master Designer that can fix you if only you give Him all the broken pieces. He will transform your broken life, but you must surrender all the broken pieces unto Him. He will transform your shattered hopes and dreams and fit the pieces of your life together in a way that is brilliant and beautiful. God can take the broken pieces of your life and make something beautiful of them.
Copyright © Henry Akingbemisilu, All Rights Reserved.
10 MISTAKES GUYS MAKE WITH GIRLS
MISTAKE #1: Being Too Much Of A “Nice Guy”
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted to “nice” guys? Of course you have.
Just like me, I’m sure you’ve had attractive female friends that always seemed to date “jerks”… but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.
What’s going on here?
It’s actually very simple…
Women don’t base their choices of men on how “nice” a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Being nice doesn’t make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.
And being NICE doesn’t make a woman CHOOSE you.
I realize that this doesn’t make a lot of logical sense, and it’s hard to ACCEPT… but GET OVER IT.
Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you’ll NEVER have the success with women that you want.
MISTAKE #2: Trying To “Convince Her To Like You”
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like… but she’s just not interested?
Right! They try to “convince” the woman to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you… YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, EVER.
You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.
Think about it.
If a woman doesn’t “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being “reasonable” with her?
But we all do it.
When a woman just isn’t interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.
Bad idea. One that will never work.
MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission.
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman’s “approval” or “permission”.
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them… EVER…..Don’t get me wrong here.You don’t have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.
But if you think that treating a woman well means “always getting her approval and permission for things”, think again.
You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.
Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her…
MISTAKE #4: Trying To Buy Her Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn’t treat her even HALF as well as you did?
If you’re like me, then you’ve had it happen a LOT.
Well guess what?
It’s only NATURAL when this happens…
That’s right, I said NATURAL.
When you do these things, you send a clear message:
“I don’t think you’ll like me for who I am, so I’m going to try to buy your attention and affection”.
Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That’s right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.
MISTAKE #5: Sharing how You Feel Too Early In the Relationship With Her.
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they “feel” too early on.
Attractive women are rare.
And they get a LOT of attention from men.
Most men don’t realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME.
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translates into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what?
Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.
That’s right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying “You know, I really, REALLY like you” after one or two dates.
This signals to the woman that you’re just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast… and can’t control themselves.
Don’t do it. Lean back. Relax.
There’s a much better way…
MISTAKE #6: Not Getting How Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.
But does the same apply for women?
Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?
Think about it.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men… and they’re attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.
If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
But it’s not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how…
MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It takes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they’ve even gotten started… because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money… or guys who are a certain height… or guys who are a certain age.
And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man’s personality than his wallet or his looks.
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet…
And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to “settle” for a woman just because you aren’t rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly,you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
MISTAKE #8: Giving Away all Of Your Power To Women
Earlier I mentioned that it’s a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.
Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.
Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.
Another bad idea…
Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over… Women aren’t attracted to Wussies!
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing EXACTLY What To Do In Each Type Of Situation With Women
Now I’m going to blow your mind…
A woman ALWAYS knows what you’re thinking.
Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That’s ten TIMES.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you’re out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.
And if you don’t know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won’t help!
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating…
Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical… everything.
If you don’t know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up… and LOSE EVERYTHING.
And you KNOW it.
It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman… from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.
I know, guys don’t like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don’t like to ask for help.
Hey, I’ve been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women…
About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn’t know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to.
It frustrated the hell out of me.
One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn’t get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night… right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out.
I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I’ve dated models, I’ve dated actresses, and I’ve dated nice, normal, regular girls as well.
It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling… like I don’t know how to meet women… and I might wind up alone.
I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women.
I’ve done seminars on both coasts of the United States… and taught tens of thousands of men all around the world.
Posted by Beautiful Nonsense
Miss Yewande Abiodun “Tipsy”
Few days to the grand finale of the Miss West Africa UK 2009. MEBB met up with one of the contestants Representing Nigeria, Miss Yewande Abiodun popularly called “TIPSY” by many. Follow us as we get to know Miss Yewande and why she is contesting. Enjoy!
WHO IS YEWANDE ABIODUN?
Am an 18 year old, 5ft 9inch tall lady (lol), a model,a student, a daughter to my mother. I was born in Ondo state in Nigeria. I moved to United Kingdom in 2006.
WHAT WAS GROWING UP LIKE?
Hmmm she sighs! I lost my dad when I was 2years old so I don’t know my dad. I grew up with my mum in Ondo State. Life has been full of ups and downs but I thank God. I attended St Louis Primary School in Akure, then went on to Fedral Government Girls College also in Akure for my secondary school education. I am currently in my second year of Advanced Levels at Kingsbury Sixth form College North West London studying Media & Sociology. I look forward to go to the University of West England in Bristol to study Media Jouralism in September 2010.
HOW DID YOU GET THE NICKNAME “ TIPSY”?
I got the name from my best friend Tosin Alabi in Nigeria. She gave me the nickname due to my hyper and crazy behaviour.
HOW DID YOU GET INTO MODELLING?
People around my encouraged me to give it a try, so I decided to go for it.
WHAT MADE YOU CONTEST FOR MISS WEST AFRICA 2009?
I have always wanted to showcase my talent on the runway but due to the fact that I was not 18 I could not take part. Now that I am of legal age, I am ready to catwalk on the runway and also I have a very strong passion for modelling.
WHAT IS YOUR BEST FOOD?
Beans and Sugar.
WHERE WOULD YOU PREFER TO LIVE NIGERIA OR UNITED KINGDOM?
Nigeria all the way… but would still choose anywhere in South East London so I can be close to my Nigerian People. (She laughs).
WHO & WHAT INFLUENCES YOU?
WHO: God & My Mother.
WHAT: Any GOOD MUSIC….
WHO ARE LISTENING TO AT THE MOMENT?
DaGrin , Leo Orezi, Durella, 9ice.
WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN THE NEXT 5YEARS?
I see myself finished from University, working in my chosen career and able to provide for my family.
WHAT ARE YOU HOBBIES?
Dancing and Writing.
WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE?
Laughs “Do you want to buy shoe for me…..anyway for anyone that wants to buy me one its Size 7 or 8
SECRET TO YOUR SLIM FIGURE, DO YOU EXERCISE?
(Laughs) I do not do any exercise. It is naturally from God.
WHO DO YOU LOOK UP TO IN THE MODEL & ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY ?
I look up to quite a few people because you learn a lot from different people
MODELLING: Naomi Campbell
ENTERTAINMENT: Beyonce – as an elegant and positive image.
YOUR KIND OF GUY?
A guy that understands and always encouraging me to do my best. An african man all day who is also God fearing.
ARE YOU SINGLE,SEARCHING OR SATISFIED?
I am satisfied. I am currently in a relationship. (laughs)
WHAT DOES THIS PAGENT MEAN TO YOU IF YOU WIN?
It would mean everything to me at the moment. It’s like a stepping stone to my success
MESSAGE FOR FANS
A very big thank you to everyone behind me because am nothing without you all.
I would like to say “please follow your dreams and hope for the best”
For more info :http://www.misswestafrica.com/
MEBB TEAM
Things My Mother Never Taught Me by Bamsen Daze
I will never forget the day she left. I was about five years old. My two brothers and I were outside playing with the other kids on the Estate. She came downstairs, she looked like she had been crying and simply said, “I have to go, your dad has asked me to leave, but I will see you again soon”. Not really understanding what she meant I replied said, “Ok” and went back to playing. The days and months went by but she never returned. The years and seasons changed still she never returned.
You see prior to this, my dad had been away for almost a year undergoing surgery abroad, so I quickly assumed it was the norm for parents to be absent all the time. Shortly after, my dad was posted to work in London. He packed our bags and got us ready to leave. We said good bye to everyone but it seemed weird not to say good bye to our mum. We asked him where she was, and if she was going to come, he said she would join us once we got there. It never really hit me until we got to London that she might never come back. I remember always bugging our dad about her. Where is she? I asked. What is she doing? When is she going to come home? He tried his best to give us answers but the answers were always the same, “She’s in Nigeria, she’s getting some work done and she will be here soon”. After a while he would get upset when we’d ask about her and slowly, we put an end to the inquisitions. But every time the phone rang we would secretly hope it was her. Every time we heard the door bell ring, we wished it was her.
My dad tried his best to take on the role of both parents. He did the basics, the cooking, the cleaning, the discipline, the shopping and everything else that came with it. He tried his best spending quality time with us, but he was never really good at that. We were free with our dad but somewhere deep down we knew there were many questions we couldn’t ask. His work schedule also meant we didn’t really get to see him often.
When we moved back to Nigeria we were sent to a boarding primary school in Kaduna. My brothers were all I had, we had become very close. Our dad tried to come as often as he could from Abuja but the visits were never frequent. We grew to not expect anyone on visiting days. After almost five years of not seeing our mum we became disenchanted and somewhere along the line, we stopped caring. Once in a while one of my brothers would say “I wonder where she is and what she is doing”, but it never really led to much conversation. At this point I had lost hope of ever seeing her again. I became angry, cold and numb. I felt no emotion towards her, and pretty soon toward anything else.
Time passed and we moved to Gabon. After a couple of years my twin brother and I went off to High School in America. My father remarried and had three more children. My step mum was great and tried to fill in the maternal void in our lives but it was never the same; and after she had children of her own nothing was the same.
In 2003 I turned eighteen years old. I had just graduated High School and had moved back to Nigeria. I remember sitting in my uncle’s house and my aunt announcing to me “Your mum is here”. I never really knew what to expect or how to react. I just stood there looking at her, I always imagined I would feel a flood of emotion but I never did. I felt nothing.
She later told me that after they got divorced my father did everything he could to keep her away. And when we were in London, Gabon and America she would write letters through my dad’s office but he would keep them from us. Knowing my dad all this could be true, but it still doesn’t change the way I feel.
Their divorce will always be inconsequential to me. All I know is that I will never know who I would have been if my parents had stayed together, or if my mother was in my life. I have never really been able to love anyone truly. The only true love of my life has been my dad and my brothers. My mother’s absence has affected everything about me. My insecurities, my fears, and my ability to trust anyone. I feel like I am incapable of having a normal relationship because my ‘issues’ won’t let me love or trust anyone. I am afraid to let myself love anyone for fear that they won’t love me back or worst still, they do love me but will one day leave me.
It’s been almost six years since the reunion; we are still working on rebuilding our relationship. I don’t hate her, but I can’t say that I love her either. I am still numb. It will take sometime for me to be able to fully accept her back in my life. I am trying and I pray each day that God will soften my heart and allow me to be able to love her again. I never got the chance to have my mother buy me my first training bra, or tell me what to do during my first menstrual cycle or maybe take me to the salon to braid my hair. There are so many things I wish my mother was around to teach me but the greatest one of all is being able to love. I am still trying to let is all go but sometimes, it doesn’t feel so easy.
By:Bamsen Daze From: www.bellanaija.com
WE ARE AFRICANS – This is it !!!
The powerful new single by JJC which embodies the meaning and significance of Black History Month.
“We Are Africans” combines the sentiment of pride with clear messages of unity and positivity. Serious, but also fun, tongue-in-cheek and wildly infectious.
“We Are Africans” is an anthem – in fact it could be labelled as the national anthem for the United States of Africa, a concept which signifies the fortification, unification and reinvention of Africa and Africans across the world.
Directed By: M.Musa for BIG BOYZ ENT
1st AD: Nick Asgill for BIG BOYZ ENT
D.O.P: Mark Pengelly
Record Label: Big Boyz Ent
Management & PR: ilkamedia ()
Marketing: Phoenix Media Partners
Mental Colonialism
I am not out to speak good English or follow a writing style. I am here to speak my mind like I am talking to you one on one. Therefore, I won’t apologize for the way I write. My dear friend, there is something I have been thinking about for too long, It is called Mental Colonialism. That word! Yea, lets talk about it.
I remember meeting up with Omotolani last summer in Nigeria. We arranged that she come to see in me in my hometown, Ondo. She affirmed that there is nothing really to do in Ondo town, “Ondo is for small girls”. Keep it in mind that Omotolani was born and raised in Ondo until she went for university in Lagos. I quickly reminded her of the great asun (goat barbeque), the beautiful scenery, the breath of fresh air and the peaceful nature of Ondo town. I remember she even told me not to call her Omotolani again, that her name is now Sandra. I smiled. I thought to myself, major “ngunbeeness”!
I picked up Sandra at the motor park, and we headed home. She asked why I still talked “Nigerian”. I smiled. I must have forgotten that I am Nigerian by birth; I think she must be reminding me. Am I missing something here? I noticed in our conversations, Sandra seems to use more men, shit, fuck and American slangs in her sentences than most Americans I know. That is another story.
She started asking me about music, movies etc. She asked if I have seen this video and that video. She asked if I know of this new clothing line by this famous designer. I am sure I wasn’t really paying attention. She has seen all the episodes of OC, Gossip Girls, and Summerland. I noticed she had a tattoo, she even told me that she smokes now. It is bigz girlz runz. Sandra was telling me that if you attend Unilag and you don’t wear at least a gold chain on your neck, you ain’t got swagga. In fact, she was even telling me about how girls while in school, get pregnant to tie a man down. I open my mouth. “Ehen is it new? In America, there are lotta teen pregnancy, so why is your mouth wide open?” she said.
We started watching a Nigerian movie on tv. Why is it that everyone looks flashy? Why is it that a man must wear all those earrings, designers, sun-glasses (at night), and blings on his neck to show his wealth? Why do they always show big houses? Why do those actresses remind me of Beyonce (except a crappy version)? Why do I notice an accent that sounds British? No, it sounded like American-Irish accent. On a second thought, I thought it sounded Sudanese mixed with Brazilian and Spanish. Ok I need to stop. I switched channels now. This time it was a music channel. Is it me or do I notice more foreign women in Nigerian videos? When have you seen a Chioma in Linkin Park video? Chei! Even Sandra said foreign girls are really beautiful. Then I said, “You must be ugly then”. She was like “haba, I be fine girl, as in, you know now”. Hmm, ok!
As if that wasn’t enough for one night. I saw a lot of dance moves that resemble that of Usher. Don’t get me wrong, its not bad to have that in videos o. I just don’t know why they have to dress like Usher. What is wrong with a man having bits and pieces of African culture in his music video? Well I think it is sexy. I am sure if Usher wore an African outfit in one of his dance videos, a lot of Nigerian musicians will adopt that. Having said that, few artistes are doing their best by showcasing the richness of Nigerian culture in their music videos or movies. I will like to say thank you and keep it coming. Nigerian needs more people like you. Ok, I digressed.
Anyhoo, Sandra and I went shopping. I saw some London wax, and Ankara that I really loved. I bought a lot of them, took them to the tailor for sewing. I also bought some high quality t-shirts and customized my name on them with different designs and slogans. Then I saw a label called Dudu Phassion. I love their design work, so I immediately picked one up. Sandra was like “which one is dudu again? God forbid! Please lets visit Sachs, I have been dying to get that Louis Vuitton bag I told you about.” I smiled. Major “Ngubee-ness”!
Later that night, we headed to the club. I need my inhaler on this one. Okay! I think am exaggerating now. One thing I appreciated about the club was that they were playing Nigerian music. That was a relief! I noticed a girl was wearing a top that looks almost like a bra with a short and a “long leather boot”. I didn’t know it was winter! I judged her, I am sorry. There was this guy with some grillz, hair plaited, pant sagging, and tattooed arms. Mehn I can see the lightening in those girls’ eyes. Its like you can read what they are saying, in their minds “he’s got swagga”. Even Sandra thinks he is sexy. One of my childhood friends, Olakunle, came to my table. Wow! I hadn’t seen him in like 5 years. “Olakunle, meet my friend Omotolani, we went to primary school together”, I said. “Hmm, pls call me Sandra, nice meeting you”. Olakunle asked us to visit a restaurant to catch up on old times. It was really a nice restaurant. They have both home and foreign cuisines. Everyone ordered food. Sandra decided to eat Pizza. I could tell she wasn’t enjoying it because she said she wanted to take it home. Again I smiled. Major “Ngunbee-ness”!
We got home that night and I kept Sandra’s pizza in the fridge. An hour later, she told me she was hungry. I reminded her of the pizza. She was like “omo men, the pizza wasn’t flowing o. I just wanted to be tush ‘cos ‘Kunle was there”. I smiled while thinking she is so Ngunbee in my mind. Sandra asked why I have been smiling. She thought I was acting strange. She even asked if I’m really schooling in the U.S. She said my behavior is like that of an Ondo girl. “Kei kei kei, ngunbee o! Am I not an Ondo girl?”, I asked. , “You are but I figured you should be acting American by now, your behavior is just …..” , she replied. I smiled “Sandra my dear, listen:
Americans don’t really care about us. Western people don’t wear our clothes, they don’t eat our food, and neither do they sing our songs. Don’t be taken over by mental colonialism. Traveling or schooling in a foreign country is not a justification to forget one’s culture but to learn about new stuff, meet new people, try new things and become a global citizen. There is nothing bad in adopting a new culture but when you see nothing good in your own culture and thinks the other culture is the norm, then something is wrong. I call it slavery of the mind. You can have all the degrees in this world and still be ignorant. Why don’t we patronize quality Made In Nigeria products? Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wearing Louis Vuitton but the mentality that any designer made in Nigeria is not of high quality is bad. I am not saying we shouldn’t listen to foreign music or watch their movies. The only thing I speak against is excess. Nigerians can abuse things. We use more American slangs than Americans. We know more songs than the Americans. We tend to even know the American culture more than the Americans. If you don’t know, men that dress with their pants sagged to their knees like those ones seen in music videos are considered irresponsible. Yet, “some” people thinks it is the swag in Nigeria. I don’t know when smoking became a fashion statement or a bigz girlz run. Have you ever thought about the cold weather in some countries? Maybe that is why people tend to smoke a lot in those countries? Why do we use American bad habits as our own “swag”? What is wrong with having a shirt with Funke Akindele or Fela Kuti written on it? In fact, if you can’t wear that, how about a shirt with your own name on it? What is wrong with beautiful names like Adenike (kei kei kei), Omotolani, Aisha, Olakunle, Chika, Eniola, Agbani, Ilebaye, Musa etc? Please I’m not saying if you have an English name, something is wrong with it. Something is wrong when you change your native name to an English name just to fit in or because you think it sounds good. And then you will see wannabe model exposing their body and people will comment, “this is sexy”. You can be sexy without showing all your nakedness. Not everyone wants to see it. 9ice in his song “Photocopy” said, “Photocopy ko easy, You could never be like me, this is my identity”. You can’t be an American even with fake accents. Your identity is your identity. It is what makes you special. Don’t be trapped by Mental Colonialism.
Young people have choice. Nigeria youths are very creative and enterprising. However, the embrace of this so-called American culture is disheartening. Perhaps, times have changed but it is still not an excuse to adopt another culture to a fault. I will like to see more men in their sexy African attire. I will like to see more people speaking proper English and not “we ain’t talk to no police, we ain’t make no peace bond, we ain’t trustin in no judicial system, we shoot guns we rely on the streets, we do battle in the hood. We Gangsta” WHAT??? Can someone tell me when Nigeria started having “hood”? And no am not talking about AJegunle. I will like you to see the beauty of the Nigerian Culture. The radiance of the Nigerian woman, the fresh taste of our food, the unpolluted breath of air, the scenery of midnight tales, the orgasmic sound of our drums, the powerful effects of our proverbs, the courage of our people, the class in our fashion and the sophistication in our language. Hmm by the way, “Ngunbeeness” is an exclamation. It can be anything you want it to be. (Keikeikei, I formed it)
Above all, let us remember, that we are good people and a great nation.
Sandra thinks to herself, “Adenike you sabi talk o, all these because I pretended I like pissshaaaaa?”
5 Mistakes Women Make by Ekene Agabu
Sited from [ www.bellanaija.com]
Enjoy!
We have heard it from our mothers, our aunts, our mentors, our sisters and a few female friends. But many of us are still left wondering what unbiased perspectives ‘they’ have.
‘They’. MEN.
Hear those wise words from one of them. I have been touched by this article and strongly believe it will strike (at least) a cord with many of you. It’s a long worthwhile read. Brace yourself for what I consider in numerous ways, THE RAW, PLAIN TRUTH from Ekene Agabu.
Cheers,
enkay
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Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as a man in sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.
Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.
But the first mistake was not yours. You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance – the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child – and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you were nothing.
Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be. Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie that you were nothing without a man. Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted as you sincerely tried to fulfill the so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.
As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.
That being said, I do not believe we are responsible for the things that are done or said to us, but I do know that we are responsible for allowing those things continue in us. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.
Your Personal Standards! Don’t leave home without them!
By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard. The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship. What is your life’s moral compass? This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain. Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might have a young lady who’s been around the block and has now become a Christian, and professes that she will be celibate until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard. Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning. But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard. A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle. A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses. She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him. She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place. In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!
Why are you making excuses for him…again?
I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you. You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok. A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess – drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you – we say it out LOUD! And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen. Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him? You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses. Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself. Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised. Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work, you still have a right to say NO.
Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’
A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head – not a hard one, just a gentle knock – to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life – 1,2,3,4 – to mean nothing (I’m having a headache just rehashing this story). So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years (Have you seen Barbara Walters lately? She’s 80). And here you are, willing to mortgage your future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing. That you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 28 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 32. No! I can’t be single at 30.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29. They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary. Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do. We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy who has already made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone you are not crazy about? Ok, so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that. Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter. Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing. You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?
You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!
Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse, you are potentially making a baby. You are filing an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived. And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth. Without conception, there will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. If a man is horny and wants to be relieved, tell him to use his hand. You are no object and certainly no substitute for a man’s hand. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.
I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?
I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 29, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is that pressure is not real. You are real and when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work cos I’m almost 30.” Screw him and screw 30. You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age. Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 30; in fact, it may just be beginning!
A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 21 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man’ troubles. During our conversation, I observed that she had always been in a sexual relationship since she was 15. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Sex interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your person and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 30th birthday.
Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead giving the advantage. We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you – You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself. You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.
There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity. We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why not make it high, why not make it YOU?
Sited from [ www.bellanaija.com]
TIPS FOR AVOIDING MISTAKES.
1. MAKE A LIST - A leading medical journal recently reported that when surgeons used a pre-surgical checklist,death rate from surgical error plunged by 47 per cent.
2.SECOND GUESS – Most people think it’s smarter,when taking a test,to go with the first instinct.Don’t. Most people who change their answers usually improve their test scores.
3.WRITE IT DOWN- Our memory automatically distorts our recall of past actions,making them seem more favourable.For instance,college students consistently remember their school grades as being much better than they actually were.
4.GET SOME SLEEP – A study found even moderate sleep deprivation can have the same hazardous effects as being drunk.People who drive a car after being awake for 17 to 19 hours performed worse than those with a blood alcohol level of 0.5 per cent.
5.DO LESS – Multitasking is a great way to make mistakes.What will your boss be more concerned about,taking your time or getting everything wrong.
culled from Metro Newspaper 04:11:09
Video:Shakar El Swagga-ANYHOW.
“ANYHOW” is the latest video from Shakar El Swagger off his upcoming album come 2010..Stay tuned.
Video Location: London United Kingdom..
Video Director: JJC aka Skills
